compassion · health · renewal · self · spirituality

Rest You for the Best You

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

After the New Year, I wrote about promises. To ourselves and others. This month I focus on the promise of rest.

Remember being a kid during the summer? We would do nothing for hours or do something that felt like nothing because it was so undemanding. We would move through each day with play and fun or pass idle moments without a care. We did not fill every waking thought with to-do lists, and we would (gasp) complain of being bored.

We would relax. We would rest.

In a modern world of non-stop everything and endless responsibility, it becomes almost impossible to pause. Life and its demands do not stop for longer, sunnier, blue sky days.

We need to create pockets of downtime, force ourselves to rest.

For some, it is a few quiet moments reading at the end of the day when everyone else has gone to bed. For others, it may be found rocking in a chair with a hot cup of coffee while watching the sunrise. The good news? There is no wrong way and there are countless ways to find peace. To begin, discover what part needs the most attention.

BODY
The most obvious need comes from our physical selves. We know the signs of physical exhaustion and can easily solve it by getting much needed sleep. Of course the best solution is to follow a structured schedule where we routinely go to bed and rise at the same times each day. Doing this trains our bodies to adapt during the day without the need for naps, caffeine, sugar, or other temporary and unhealthy fixes. Make this the summer you get quality rest every night so you can make the best of every day.

Not sure how much sleep you need? Find the ideal amount at Sleep Needs.

MIND
It never stops. The notifications, the texts, the to-do’s and don’ts. Thanks to ever-present technology and daily demands, we cannot catch a break. Our brains are in overdrive due to excess information coming from our devices, work, family, home, school, church, and more. It is an easy trap to fall in:  the need to stay updated on everything and everyone. But the fear of missing out and desire to stay on top of every detail not only overwhelms but hurts our health. Make this the summer you rest your mind and shift focus to what matters. 

Wondering how to free your thoughts? Try these simple tasks at How to Settle the Mind.

SPIRIT
To many, the spirit is elusive, a mysterious known yet unknown thing. It is in the difficulty of definition that we find it hard to give it the attention it needs. The answers are simple, however. For though the spirit is unique to all,  it is easy to pinpoint whatever brings the greatest joy. When we do something that feeds our spirit, we get a sense of feeling balanced, content, and perhaps even complete. It can come in any form – reading, gardening, prayer, mediation, music, dance, writing, etc.

When you have found yours, you will know it. And when you know it, engage in it. As often as possible.

For it is the spirit that does not necessarily need to rest but be reassured. It needs us to tend it and when we do, it will nourish every other part of our lives. Make this the summer you do more of whatever makes your heart happy.

Need some help? Learn how to Take Care of Your Spirit.

My go to? A simple 10 minute morning meditation. Meditation does not have to be some complicated, time consuming process. It can be as simple as tapping into our senses while sitting still in a quiet setting. I like it because it declutters my mind, pauses my body, and replenishes my spirit while leaving me focused and ready for the day.

The internet is full of information about the mind, body, and spirit. I encourage you to educate yourself with reputable and trusted sources. The options are endless! Find visual video techniques. Read tips and tricks on health sites. Discover a positivity blog like Inspired Me, Joyful Be :). There is something for everyone. Begin now and I guarantee that the ‘rest’ will fall into place.


P.S. – I am taking my own advice and getting away. There will be no July post as I road trip around the country with my little family. I look forward to reconnecting in August and wish you the happiest of summers!
change · discovery · goals · renewal · self · simplicity

Happy YOU Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Want a better 2019? Forget resolutions.

I am not a fan of setting unrealistic goals and unfair expectations. Instead of resolutions, I prefer reflection. Rather than find imperfection or dream of perfection, I seek real change. The beginning of a new year is a chance to see what is not working and focus on doing better. It is an opportunity for a reset.

In place of resolutions, I suggest we make promises. To put ourselves first. To find more joy in the everyday.


Time is not something we have, it is something we make. ~unknown

While tending to the people and responsibilities in our lives, it can become easy to cross ourselves off the list to make room.

  • THE PROMISE OF PAUSE: Release the guilt and move You to the top of the list. Whether overdue health needs, a favorite hobby, or quiet moments for mind, body, and spirit, make time to care for yourself so you can go on to care for others.

There will be areas requiring attention and never-ending to-dos on the list, but do we ever question WHY we are doing them?

  • THE PROMISE OF PURPOSE: Whatever brings joy – do more of that. Whatever does not – prioritize, delegate, simplify, or eliminate so you can spend your limited time and energy on what truly matters.

To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. ~Jack Kornfield

Keeping up with everyone and everything 24/7 via social media and news can leave us feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, and helpless.

  • THE PROMISE OF PEACE: Release the excess. Simplify the information that crosses your path. Clean up your inbox. Detox your newsfeed. Create small steps to declutter your home. Unplug and unwind to make room in your mind, heart, relationships, and world.

A hurried pace creates a sense of chaos and stress and makes it impossible to focus. Details get overlooked. Time with others feels rushed.

  • THE PROMISE OF PATIENCE: Breathe. Then breathe again, deeper. Do this until you are fully present. You have this one life! Appreciate the beauty of a moment. Accept the things you cannot control. Linger within the things you can.

Notice every PROMISE begins with the letter P and that two are missing?

Do not put PRESSURE on yourself to do it all every single day. Do not aim for PERFECTION in everything you do.

This is to be a New Year of Happy!

One of mindfulness. Of presence. Of making time for what matters. Of letting go of what doesn’t. A YEAR OF YOU.


Join me for A YEAR OF PROMISE!

Follow along as I focus on a different promise each month. This will not be some hard-core, paid program but a gentle exploration of changing how we view (and do) life. And in the end, maybe some parts will remain unchanged while others will be done in an entirely different way. The future is open, it is waiting, and it is all ours …

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Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

change · goals · obstacles · renewal · second chances

What Has Been, What Might Be

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The start of another year usually carries thoughts of change and self-improvement.

How can we do better? Be better?

I used to think like that. In the wake of the holiday glow, I would create a detailed list of resolutions, areas in my life I believe needed help. And every January 1st it was the same: eat healthier, exercise harder, spend less, save more, finish overdue house projects, make time for myself, write daily, reach more readers, be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, writer, friend, etc.

DO more. BE more.

I would do well – for a time, that is. But then, my magnificent plans would become lost in the demands of the everyday.

It was too much. Finally, I decided resolutions do not work for me. Goals, however, do. Setting concrete to dos keeps me motivated. And guess what? Since changing my approach, I have accomplished every goal set.

You can, too.

Rather than look at the new year as a need to do everything better, view it as an opportunity for reflection and renewal, a chance to hit the reset button. Stop making unattainable, lofty plans or rambling lists of what is wrong with you. Choose to focus on what is working in your life, find what is right and go from there.

Step One: REFLECT ON WHAT HAS BEEN

What brought joy last year? Where did you excel? Where did you succeed? What accomplishments made you proud?

What areas caused problems? What did not work? Where did you falter? What do you wish you would have done?

Once you realize the regrets, you know what to focus on in the new year (that is, if they are still meaningful). In addition to maintaining your health, family, and purpose, you understand where the priorities will be.

Step Two: PLAN FOR WHAT MIGHT BE

Your past regrets become your goals for the new year.

Define them. Use numbers and timeframes. [Rather than “write more,” I say “publish one book by a certain date.”] Establish clear goals.

Setting minimal projects and spacing out deadlines can maintain focus and momentum. If you accomplish more, great! But keeping it simple allows room for unexpected, unplanned things life throws our way. Finish lines and endgames also prevent self sabotage.

THE RESULT: You have a plan, and it is always there – easy to remember, easy to add into life. And it remains there, even on the busiest, craziest, most chaotic of days. It is with you, waiting for its time.

What inspires you? What brings you joy? What do you want to be proud of when the next new year comes?

This is an ideal chance to begin again. We have one year and when it ends, we can either say we wish we did or we did.


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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE


Photo by Shireah Ragnar on Unsplash

letting go · renewal · self · simplicity

The Bright Side Of Going Dark

These past months have been difficult. Not in the crisis-horrible-things-happened kind of difficult. But more in the way of stressful.

Fall is always a busy time for us. My husband resumes heavy work travel, I resume full-time writing, and my son resumes a hectic school and sports schedule. I know I am not special. Everyone, especially parents, struggles with the daily demands of basic living. But the thing I know is this: I can manage extreme multitasking and chaotic days for a while (and thrive!), but there always comes a breaking point. One where I must say no more.

This is when I go dark.

When many people think of the dark, they become anxious and scared of the unknown, fearing what might lurk in the shadows. Others may see it as a depressing state or one where negativity lingers. It is different for everyone but for me, it means stepping back.

I view it as a way to reset.

1. DISCONNECT SO WE CAN RECONNECT
Texts, phone calls, emails, messaging, news feeds, social media, surfing online, television, movies, gaming. We become so caught up in the “keeping up” it can overwhelm and consume precious time that could be better spent elsewhere.

GO DARK: When staying current on news, in touch with family and friends, and up-to-date on my author and writer tasks takes a toll, I step out of the virtual world and into the real one. I go dark online by reducing social media logins, unsubscribing to unnecessary blogs and news feeds, and powering down devices. Decreasing an online presence and replacing it with in person interactions or conversations not only improves relationships, it nourishes the soul. It also allows for activities we love or time to care for ourselves. A few extra unplugged minutes every day can change everything.

2. SAY NO NOW SO WE CAN SAY YES LATER
We all feel guilt for not doing enough – for our family, friends, home, job, church, school, community, ourselves. And thanks to external pressures by society, we begin to believe something is wrong with us, that we are somehow failing when we aren’t doing all the “things.”

GO DARK: I try to weigh the value of each new task or activity and seek to prioritize. But when I become caught up in the doing, I pause and ask what really matters. I go dark socially by putting family needs first, being realistic about my ability as an introvert, and ignoring the fear of missing out. Simplifying schedules by keeping the important things leaves more room for real appreciation and a sense of peace. Being in the moment might seem like a luxury but it is definitely within reach. We can do it all – just not all at once. And if we cannot do it all, let something go so we might fully embrace something else.

3. LET GO SO WE CAN HOLD ON
Too often we place importance on external things – big and small – regardless of their true worth in our lives. It is easy to fall into the trap of making lists and intricate plans or acquiring items in an effort to reach some unrealistic fantasy of how things should be.

GO DARK: I cannot do everything well and when I try, something inevitably suffers. With the holidays and sports ramping up, I know I must release the image of perfection. I go dark personally by freeing myself from unattainable goals, eliminating unnecessary tasks and clutter, and focusing on what brings true joy. By ridding ourselves of the excess we create space for meaningful relationships, cherished memories, and peaceful moments. Strive for imperfection. Decide what goes and what stays. Realize letting go does not mean doing without. Yes, some things might be gone forever but what matters will remain.

It is important to know when to retreat into the dark. And when you do, go willingly and with purpose. Reclaim your time, rediscover who you are and what you want life to be. Do not be afraid to turn out the lights because when you turn them back on, life will shine brighter than ever before.


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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE


Photo by John Silliman on Unsplash

gratitude · health · renewal · self

What Is Waiting For You?

Last week was one of those weeks. The kind where everything is more difficult than usual and nothing seems to go right. I won’t expand on the gory details, but I will say this: the new-school-year honeymoon is over, my son is a soon-to-be teenager, my husband is travelling extensively (again), unexpected house problems keep popping up, and oh well … life.

I felt like all I did was put out fires. Every back-to-school fall is just different enough – just challenging enough – to change the rules for our little family. I generally do not like surprises. And last week surprised me with its continuous onslaught of frustration. Oh, did I mention I also don’t like being frustrated? Of course, I am a realist – I do not expect things to go smoothly every moment of every day. But it would have been nice to have one day pass with ease.

Yet even in the midst of catastrophic thinking, my mind kept returning to one glorious thought: I have two blog posts and a novel to draft. My writing is waiting for me.

In truth, part of my overwhelming sense of frustration comes from the simple desire to work. Back to school always means back to full-time writing for me. And not finding the necessary and appropriate times to do so leaves me flustered. You would think after almost eight years of doing this gig that I would have a very strict, set schedule, right? Well, I did. Once. But that did not last.

As with any family, our needs are in a constant state of change. Despite my effort to keep my son perpetually small and snuggable, he continues to grow and as such, the responsibilities grow. Also, my husband’s career is increasingly demanding, requiring frequent out-of-state travel. And of course, I have changed – in many ways. So though I crave structure and scheduled hours, I choose to be flexible when life builds up and overflows.

I could easily say “I can no longer do this, I’m done,” but I don’t. The reason? Writing is not only my job, it is my outlet. Aside from any financial benefit, it provides an escape, a purpose, a sense of accomplishment, the ability to connect, an opportunity to learn about myself and the world. Writing is not only entertaining but therapeutic. It challenges me, pushing me beyond my imaginary boundaries.

A whole lot of who I am is figured out when I write. Aside from the people I love, it is one of the things that truly matters – which is why I make time for it even when I do not have time.

I find comfort in knowing I have something waiting for me. 

WHAT IS WAITING FOR YOU?

Is there something that makes the outside world go away? If so, do not become so trapped by the duties of daily life that you neglect to do it. It does not matter what it is – reading, writing, art, gardening, cooking, baking, decorating, exercise, meditation, a sport, a craft, anything.

When you are caught up in the craziness of life, listen for what is calling to you. What do you wish you could be doing instead? What do you look forward to at the end of a long day? What truly matters?

Take a look at what you make time for. Identify your outlet. And when you do, plug into it.


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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE

change · goals · renewal · self

10 Signs A Change Is Not For You

I have been thinking a lot about change.

In today’s world, it is impossible to ignore or deny the idea of change. Buildings are demolished only to be replaced by new ones, fashions are redesigned, homes are renovated, jobs are redefined, products are re-branded, processes are improved. We are bombarded daily with messages geared toward becoming someone different, someone better, someone more than the person we are now.

Even this blog is dedicated to approaching life differently – perhaps better – than before.

Change is inevitable in many areas – births, deaths, relationships, and yes, even people. Everything around us is in a constant state of movement and much is out of our control. We cannot escape change. But when it comes to the changes within us, we do have the power to decide what goes and what stays.

Are you unsure of when to change and when to stay the same? Think self-improvement vs. self-love.

Self-improvement is when you choose to alter something about yourself to make you feel better. Changing the way you live is a very personal decision. If you feel compelled to transform your appearance or behavior or path or dream in order to pursue a more satisfying life then by all means do it. This may be a time to change.

Self-love is when you value yourself and your beliefs so much that you are unwilling to bend. Changing who you are to please someone else rarely ends well. If another person makes you feel lacking or inferior or suggests you alter a part of yourself to suit their needs, pause before taking action. This may be a time to stay the same.

Self-improvement is easy to recognize. It is often met with a sense of anticipation, excitement, and motivation. And it is accompanied by fierce determination – on a personal level – to reach a goal or succeed. The need for self-love, however, can be much harder to detect.

When we care deeply about someone, it is common to forgo our own needs to make them happy. And in truth, there is nothing wrong with doing something to please a family member or friend. If the intent and desire are shared, it may be a good thing.

The key is to pay attention. Who wants the change? What benefit comes from the change? Why are you considering the change? How does the change affect you?

If you are questioning a change, watch for these signs:

  1. PROCRASTINATION: you make constant excuses in an effort to avoid action or progress
  2. INSTINCT: something deep within your gut screams ‘this is wrong and not for you’
  3. PRESSURE: someone gives you an ultimatum or makes unfair demands
  4. GUILT: you are manipulated into believing something is dependent on the modification of your behavior
  5. FEAR: you must conform to avoid physical or emotional abuse (if true, please SEEK HELP NOW)
  6. INADEQUACY: you feel less-than because someone bases your worth upon your current actions
  7. SHAME: someone diminishes your self-image by criticizing your current behavior
  8. EMOTION: attempts to change leave you melancholy, angry, unhappy, or depressed
  9. RESENTMENT: your attitude and view of another shifts in a negative direction
  10. ACKNOWLEDGMENT: you feel left out and believe changing yourself will lead to acceptance

Real and effective change can be difficult and challenging, but it should also be pursued with purpose and for the right reasons. Forcing change in your life or within yourself is rarely rewarding. So whenever you consider taking a major step in a different direction, determine if your heart is truly invested in the outcome. If it is something you – and you alone – really want, go for it with all you have and do not give up. But if outside influences are making you question the person you are, it might be best to just stay the same.


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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE

confidence · love · renewal · self

Nurture Your Best Self

A person close to my heart recently shared a video with me. It was about embracing who we are, releasing the hold others have on self-perception, and reclaiming our power. It was a sweet, gentle reminder presented by a passionate and charming young man. And although it was catered to women, it could (and does) apply to everyone.

The core message? Recognize our true worth, realize we are loved, and above all, love ourselves.

If you have ever read my blog, you know I am a strong proponent of self-love. I believe we can show ourselves love by looking deep within, finding what inspires, doing whatever brings joy, and catering to personal needs.

It is okay to be a bit selfish. I do not mean in the arrogant “me me me” way but more in the “take care of myself so I can take care of others” way. Personally, I require a lot of quiet time alone to recharge so I can tackle the challenges life throws at me, and I make sure to find a way to do it. For others, it might be something else.

All that matters is this: dedicate time to being you. Carve out moments to nurture your best self. Show yourself some love.

In today’s chaotic world it is far too easy to move our desires to the bottom of the to-do list or cross them off altogether. Home, family, work, school, hobbies, church, friends, volunteering, etc. are gratifying and can satisfy most needs. But an overlooked problem is that we often become caught up in external demands, crushed by the weight of their importance. And when we do, we try to reach some self-set goal of performing each role effortlessly and with perfection.

How often do you push beyond your personal limits in order to please someone else? Do you ask What Do People Want From Me? and then scramble to meet their assumed or perceived desires? Are your hopes and dreams and wants and needs last on the list?

Living takes enough energy and effort and emotional strength as it is. Let’s stop trying to do so much. Let’s stop worrying about fitting into an unattainable mold. Let’s stop being self-critical whenever we believe we have failed to meet the manufactured expectations of others – and of ourselves. Let’s stop allowing invisible forces to determine our worth.

Rather than What Do People Want From Me? let’s begin to ask What Do I Need?

Spend time on you. Be a bit selfish. Love yourself first. Once you do, you will be able to give more – more of your self, focus, energy, compassion, patience, love – more of your everything to those who need and deserve it.

referenced video link


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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE