acceptance · change · discovery · fears · learning · obstacles

When You Fall Into A Hole, Dig Deeper

After the New Year, I wrote about promises. To ourselves and others. This month I focus on the promise of reflection.


We all stumble, lose our way. And when we do, it is natural to avoid anything that might add to our discomfort or discontent. We might overindulge, engage in risky behavior, overspend, or hide behind a mask of feigned happiness.

Our instinct is to escape rather than reflect.

Understanding the root cause of a problem and working toward a solution is difficult. It requires time, effort, insight, and honesty. But though it may seem easier to pretend it does not exist or hope it will go away, the hurt or fear or pain will eventually catch up – in failed relationships, missed opportunities, disconnect, disinterest, and low self-esteem.

Whether it be personal, financial, career or health, there is no shame in hardship. Everyone will experience it. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. And when it comes to living an inspired and joyful life, managing those pesky downs can make all the difference.

A Simple Guide for Reflection:

  1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE FALLEN
    If you are in a bad place or facing a challenge that seems bigger than your ability, find the courage to name it. Giving it a label diminishes its strength, transfers the power. There might be numerous things bothering you. If so, recognize them but focus attention on what is the most disruptive. The biggest problem often leads to smaller ones. Control the leader and eliminate the followers. Taking ownership is the first step in overcoming whatever holds you back and moving on to a better place.
  2. STAY DOWN THERE A WHILE
    Fight or flight kicks in whenever we feel hurt, rejected, fearful, or overwhelmed. No one wants to dwell in pain. Yet sometimes, we need to stay and experience the discomfort before we can overcome it. Ask the hard questions and answer in raw honesty. Why have you fallen? Look outside of yourself and identify contributors. Why aren’t you getting up? Look inside yourself and identify behaviors. Linger within the pain, but do not stay too long. If it becomes a crutch or excuse, it is no longer within your control. The goal here is to confront and conquer it so you come out as a victor rather than victim.
  3. LEARN HOW TO CLIMB OUT
    No one should struggle alone. If the problem is more than you can handle, admit you need help and then find it. Research solutions to your problem via reputable sources. Discover methods for coping. Therapy, meditation, exercise, life coaching, books, forums. If you feel lost and unsure where to begin, ask those who have shared a similar experience. Be open. Be patient. Be realistic. There is no one size fits all option. Try different approaches until you find a healthy, manageable way to adapt or overcome.
  4. PACE YOUR ESCAPE
    Maybe it took a long time to fall, maybe it did not. Whether the struggle has been a lingering downward spiral or swift blow, it might take a while to mend whatever feels broken. Give yourself time to discover what is wrong and how to make it right. And once you have a plan in place, work slowly through each step to insure a thorough transition onto the next one. Rushing the process or skipping vital areas may seem tempting, especially once you realize what needs to be done. However, taking an easy path will not solve the heart of the problem, and it won’t be long before you fall back down.
  5. ENJOY THE CLIMB
    Improving yourself or your situation will not always be fun, but it will be filled with hidden rewards. Assume nothing will go as planned. Appreciate the unexpected. Proving you can overcome hardship carries an extraordinary sense of pride and accomplishment which will help you face future problems. And once you discover and recognize the strength that lies within you, your sense of self and confidence will soar. View each and every test of your ability as a lesson – not only in self-care, but in life.
  6. CELEBRATE
    When you reach the pinnacle of insight, be fully present. Commit the hard-won moment of joy to memory. Never forget that feeling of freedom, the independence from whatever held you down. This experience will prevent you from falling so hard the next time. In times of distress or worry, when you fear tumbling back into the abyss, remember how you waded through the darkness to come back into the light.

We will fall many times in this one life. Sometimes we will be pushed.

Rock bottom does not mean the only way out is to look up. Think about the darkness. What is its purpose? Think about the light. How do we claim it? Maybe if we slide a bit further down, we will realize the light cannot be seen up above because it is not always meant to be found there. Maybe, just maybe, when we fall into a hole and everything seems lost that is when we must dig deeper …


Join me for A YEAR OF PROMISE!

Follow along as I focus on a different promise each month. This will not be some hard-core, paid program but a gentle exploration of changing how we view (and do) life. And in the end, maybe some parts will remain unchanged while others will be done in an entirely different way. The future is open, it is waiting, and it is all ours …

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Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

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