Sometimes you will not be good enough for someone.
I discovered this over time and although I knew it to be true, I convinced myself that if I only tried harder, acted better, or did more, I would be fully accepted by this other person. After constantly wondering why the relationship was not working and some extreme soul-searching, I acknowledged the problem: I had been compromising myself and my beliefs and my very personality to please someone else. More importantly, I decided to stop.
When we hide or attempt to erase part of who we are, we lose more than just personal comfort and self-esteem – we lose ourselves.
In my experience, I tried to be different from the person I truly was because I feared hurting my friend. I had shown my true self before, opened my heart, offered every real part of me and when I did, they gave judgement rather than understanding. Instead of appreciation, I received disappointment. This person claimed they wanted to be close to me yet when I provided honesty and a genuine desire to share, I was rejected. So in order to maintain the relationship, I altered the way I acted whenever in their presence. I chose my words carefully, stepped lightly, and did not rock the proverbial boat.
I pretended to be someone who matched their standards for approval because I did not want to create more disconnect. I did not want to hurt my friend. I hoped to make them happy. I needed to be accepted. The problem with this? I lost sight of who I was. I became disconnected. I hurt myself. I felt unhappy. I failed to accept me.
Accepting who we are is at the core of everything we hope for in this life. It is our essence, our very being that touches all we do. It is what gives us the confidence to face challenges, bravery to overcome fears, compassion for others, and the ability to love and be loved. A genuine, healthy relationship should not carry expectations so rigid they force one person to change things they once loved about themselves.
I do not believe in grudges or pushing good people away. As such, I still have the aforementioned person in my life. I consider them a dear friend. I love them. I truly care about them and think they are a fantastic person. We just do not interact the way we once did, and I no longer share what is in the deepest reaches of my heart. Our relationship needs are simply different and it took me awhile to understand and appreciate these differences are not only okay but necessary. It was a beautiful reminder to allow others to be whoever they want to be and give myself permission to do the same.
I released the painful grip it held on me and finally let go. Because in the end, my best may not be good enough for them, but it is good enough for me.
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~Inspired ME, Joyful BE